Letting Go
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: He studied the words inscribed in the polished marble, and he contemplated their meaning. Two numbers separated by a hyphen. How could that define someone’s life, who they were?


(looks sad) Okay, I wrote this little fic a while back, and just got around to finishing it. It broke my heart to even think about it, but I know that if you're going to grow as an author, you have to go with it. So here's my 78th story, Letting Go. Enjoy, and please leave a review, okay?

Disclaimer: They aren't mine.

This little tearjerker is for Confused, who bawled when she read it, but she read it anyways. Thanks.

The apartment was eerily quiet as Alex stepped inside, and immediately her heart began to race. Slipping her shoes and jacket off, she hurried into her bedroom, where her partner lay under the covers.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she used one hand to smooth back her unruly curls, and the other to check his pulse, sighing when she found it. As she pulled her hand away, his eyes fluttered open, and he gave her a weak smile. "Hi, baby," she greeted him quietly, pressing a kiss to his cold lips. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

His voice was little more than a whisper, and it broke Alex's heart. "Are you hungry? I'll go make us some dinner." She started to stand up, but he grabbed her hand and looked at her through half closed eyes.

"Would you?…" His voice trailed off, and tears sprang to her eyes.

"What do you need, Bobby?"

"Would you lay down with me for a little bit?" he asked, and she nodded, biting her lip. He watched her sleepily as she pulled the covers back and laid down beside him, turning over on her side to face him. Pulling the blankets over them, she carefully pulled him into her arms and nearly gasped at how icy he was to her touch. Even in his incredibly weakened state, he managed to wrap his arms around her, and she smiled as he buried his face in her neck. A few minutes later, she felt his tears on her neck, and she ran her hands up and down his back, pressing soft kisses to his hair.

"It's okay, baby," she crooned, willing her voice not to break as her own tears began to fall. He looked up at her and smiled, wiping her tears away from her face with his trembling hand.

"I love you, Alex. So much," he whispered, kissing her tenderly. "I always have, and I always will."

"I love you too, Bobby," she cried, kissing his face. "More than you know." His eyes slid shut, and she pressed her forehead against his, caressing his face with her fingertips. He inhaled sharply, and more tears fell down her cheeks as he trembled in her arms.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered, trying to memorize everything about him: the way he smelled, the feel of his stubble beneath her fingers, his beautiful, soulful eyes. She tried to fill her arms with the memory of his weight as she held him, the way he felt in her arms. His eyes opened again, but she could see how much strength the small task required. His mouth moved, and she leaned in close to hear him

"No… goodbyes," he whispered, and she nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She scooted even closer against him, resting her forehead against his and staring into his dimming brown eyes. His eyes slipped shut again, and she slid one arm under his neck, then slipped her other around his waist, resting one hand on his back.

"Love you… Alex," he whispered again. "I love you too, Bobby." A faint smile appeared on his lips, and she continued to cradle him as his skin grew colder. He shuddered against her, and she continued to croon in his ear as she felt him slip away from her. "Bobby?"

His eyelids fluttered, but he didn't open them again, and she knew that she had seen their beautiful brown color for the last time. Pressing her lips to his pulse, she felt his life fading quickly, and she moved her head to rest over his beautiful heart. His breaths were coming in shallow gasps, and tears slid down her cheeks as she said, "I'll never forget you, Bobby. I love you so, so much." He began to shake, and she pulled him as tightly to her as she could, crying softly as she said, "It's okay, baby. You can let go."

She didn't know how much time passed as she rocked him in her arms, but suddenly he let out a sigh that was so soft, she nearly missed it. But she heard it, and she felt his gentle heart cease to beat as she cried and held him. Suddenly the sobs were too much, and they shook her body as she whispered over and over again, "I love you, Bobby. I love you."

BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA

Deakins shoved his fists into the pockets of his trench coat, bowing his head to avoid the sting of the bitter wind. He felt the tears build in his eyes as he looked down at the headstones, and the meaning of the words on them.

The funeral had been large, but that came as no surprise to anyone. They were burying one of their own: a friend, a colleague, a child, a lover, a good person. Someone who was taken far before their time. He studied the words inscribed in the polished marble, and he contemplated their meaning. Two numbers separated by a hyphen. How could that define someone's life, who they were? How could eight simple digits determine the actions they had taken, or how well they lived and loved? It couldn't. It just couldn't.

He stared at the names that were etched into the cold granite of the two headstones. Robert O. Goren and Alexandra K. Eames. One dead of cancer, the other of a broken heart. The second set of numbers on both headstones both within weeks of each other. He had buried two people who were like his own children not even within a month of each other. But perhaps it was better this way. When they had buried Bobby, Alex just lost the will to live. He was her life, her heart. How can you live without that?

_You can't,_ he thought with a sigh.

He closed his eyes and thought back to that day, when a distraught and panicked Mike had stumbled into his office, yelling something about Alex and a hospital. Once he had calmed the detective down, he managed to piece together what had happened. Apparently Mike had gone to check on Alex when she hadn't shown up for her evening out with him and Carolyn. He had found her in her bed, clutching a picture of Bobby. For a while, he blamed himself, even though the doctors and coroner had said that she had died in her sleep, of natural causes. Deakins overheard him having a conversation with Carolyn, in which he had verbally attacked himself, claiming that he should've known something was wrong. He was about to intervene himself when he saw Carolyn step forward and wrap him in her arms, telling him that it wasn't his fault. It was the only time Deakins had ever seen Mike Logan break down and cry.

He wiped a tear from his own eye and looked up at the tempest sky. He always loved the sky right before a large storm, the intense colors and darkened clouds that swirled around above. But today, it seemed to perfectly match the mood he was in. He felt a raindrop hit his head, quickly followed by another, and he looked down and laid the single rose in his hand on the still fresh dirt that covered Alex's grave. He kneeled in between the two graves for a few more minutes, then he slowly rose to his feet again and headed back down to his car to beat the rain.

But as he opened his car door, the hairs on his neck stood on end, and he looked back at the two graves under the giant oak. Two figures stood at the top of the hill, one noticeably taller than the other. Deakins squinted, and the figures flashed him a smile and a wave before linking their hands together and walking down the other side of the hill. A warm sensation washed over him, and suddenly he was happier than he had been in years.

Looking at he hill, he grinned and said, "Take care of each other, you two." Then he turned around and climbed into his car, slamming the door shut. With one last look at the hill and the graves, he pulled out of the graveyard with a silent vow that he would be back next week with fresh flowers. Maybe he would even talk Mike into coming with him.

The End

A/N: (cries miserably) Now, if ya'll aren't too upset with me, please leave a review. I need to go write something fluffy to counteract all this angst and sadness...


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